In my questions for building a meaningful, long-lasting romantic relationship with this absolutely gorgeous man, I came across this and thought of sharing it with you.
Love Mapping
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Get to know your partner's thoughts, dreams, and worries.
Example Questions:
“What’s something you’re excited about right now?”
“Is there anything stressing you out that I can help with?”
Turning Toward Bids for ConnectionNotice Small Moments: Respond positively to small gestures like a smile, a touch, or a question. Build emotional bank account. Turn towards each other's bid for connections, 86% percent of the time successful, didn't work out 33% of the time. e.g honey look at that bird, he comes and says yeah!
Expressing Affection & Respect
Show Appreciation: Frequently express love, admiration, and gratitude. You catch your partner doing something right, appreciate it. You are intelligent, i love what you said about this topic, compliments make a huge difference. All of us have insecurities, important to keep expressing love to each other as reassurance and tender sweet tender moments between us.
Example Actions:
Say “I appreciate you for…” or “I love how you…”
Leave a sweet note or send a thoughtful message during the day.
Positive Habit of Mind
Focus on Gratitude Over Criticism: Train yourself to see the good before pointing out flaws. Don't scan for his flaws, rather scan for what is positive and reinforce that. Lavish praise. unhappy relationship miss 50% of positivity. Look at what he's doing right and say thank you.
Handling Conflict.
How do you bring up a complaint. Describe yourself and the situation and then say what your positive need is. I am unhappy, sad, annoyed and sad ABOUT the situation. "the bills haven't been paid yet, and that makes me feel nervous" I walked into the kitchen and i felt really annoyed because there were still dishes in the sink. Then state your positive need, i.e how can you shine for me. I am upset that the kitchen is a mess, would you please clean it up tonight before dinner. Use Gentle Startups: Start difficult conversations softly, without blame or criticism.
Example Statements:
“I feel… about… and I need…” instead of “You always…”
“Can we talk about how we can both feel better about…?”
6. Ask Six Key Questions for Mutual Understanding:
What's are your ethics or beliefs that are part of your position on this issue
Do you have some child hood or personal history
is there an ideal, how you want the world to be on this issue
is there any underlying purpose for you regarding this issue.
Why is this important to you?
How can we resolve this together?
What are your hopes or fears about this issue?
**The goal of conflict is mutual understand **
Honoring Each Other’s DreamsSupport Each Other’s Aspirations: Encourage and help each other pursue personal goals. Do whatever you can to support that dream.
Example Actions:
Ask, “What’s something you’d love to achieve?”
Help your partner find time or resources to follow their dreams.
Creating Shared Meaning
Every person is a philosopher, constantly seeking purpose and meaning in life.
Seek to understand your partner's internal world at a deeper level.
Explore what gives them purpose and a reason to exist.
Foster a deeper emotional bond by sharing each other’s beliefs, values, and dreams.
Trust and committment
Trust simply means, Think for Two: Trust is about maximizing mutual benefit in every action.
Approach decisions with the mindset of "What’s best for us?" rather than just "What’s best for me?"
Build a sense of security by showing that you have each other’s back.
Commitment
Cherish and Nurture Your Relationship:
View your partner as irreplaceable and truly valuable.
Avoid a mindset of resentment for what’s lacking; instead, appreciate and nurture what you have.
Commitment sets the foundation for trust and strengthens emotional bonds.
9. Shared Values and Traditions
Create rituals and shared goals that strengthen your bond.
Example Actions:
Establish weekly date nights or morning routines together.
Discuss and align on life values, like family, health, or adventure.